11 Reasons Why And 6 Things To Do
He seemed to be very interested in you. Taking you on dates, talking about the future, and giving you sweet compliments. But recently it seems like he has stopped his pursuit, except for the little fact that he still sends messages. You are left wondering how to act when he is distant, but still texts.
Decoding his reasons
Let’s take a moment and understand what’s going on when he is distant but still texts. Increasing your understanding of his action will help you act the right way.
Take a look at my list of the 11 main reasons why a guy would act this way, but remember his reasons are unique to him and they can be a combination of the reasons below.
1. He is not feeling it, but still likes the validation
At the beginning of your courtship, he was really into you, but later on, his feelings changed.
If you are wondering what the reasons behind this could be, read my article When a guy acts interested then backs off – 11 top reasons why and how to react.
So why does he keep texting? Simple, when he senses that you like him, it boosts his confidence.
This world can be lonely and cold, and it’s a nice feeling when someone cares about us and is romantically invested in us. He doesn’t want you to forget about him.
He is not necessarily a bad person
Sure, it sucks that the relationship didn’t go the way you were hoping, but don’t crucify the guy.
We all need a little bit of sexual validation from time to time. You have probably at some point encouraged someone you were not that interested in.
Think back to that time, what did you get out of the interaction?
2. He is genuinely busy
He might still be interested in pursuing you. All people move at their own phase. Some people are slow to develop feelings.
If he is busy with work or with complicated family matters, it is only natural that he let his dating life take a back seat. When you are freaking out, because he is distant, but still texts, remember that he can have perfectly normal reasons for his behavior.
He hasn’t forgotten about you
The fact that he still texts you mean that you are still on his mind.
Don’t freak out and start bombarding him, let him figure things out. Many long-term committed relationships have actually started slowly only to grow deeper and more serious with time.
3. He is emotionally unavailable
When someone comes on strong at the beginning of a romance, but later on abruptly changes their mind and goes radio silent, it is a bad sign.
This behavior is a clear indicator of an emotionally unavailable man.
Someone with a secure attachment will move through the dating phase slowly and steadily, with plenty of vulnerable communication along the way.
If you want to learn to spot these kinds of men, read my article 10 signs of an emotionally unavailable man.
He still cares about you
He might still like you, but don’t get hung up on that. The truth is that he is incapable of offering you the kind of relationship you want. Yes, he is breadcrumbing you.
4. You didn’t show enough interest in him
This is an important reason to be aware of. Men can be surprisingly sensitive about how you respond to their advances.
Falling in love is a vulnerable situation.
Maybe he invited you to have a beer with his friend, you said no since you already had plans with your sister. (Completely natural.)
But he took your response as a sign that you were not that into him.
He thinks you are distant
Since he is invested in you, he became upset and as a result started acting more distant.
A more confident man would communicate his feelings, maybe even ask for reassurance.
But we are not all confident, especially when it comes to love.
You might have done something that accidentally scared him away.
5. He is afraid you are taking things more seriously than he does
A guy who becomes distant is a guy who has doubts about the relationship. If this is the situation, take a metaphorical chill pill and give him the time and space to figure things out.
At the beginning of a romance, everything is fun and sexy. But eventually, things get serious.
He needs to figure out his feelings
This is unavoidable, it also has the tendency to freak out even emotionally available men.
Since he still likes you, this is the reason why he is distant, but still texts.
The jury is still out.
6. He is pursuing someone else
This is probably the reason you didn’t want to hear. But it is nevertheless true that this is one of the top reasons when someone is distant but still texts.
A guy who is out in the dating game will naturally go on several dates, and as a result, he might have become interested in someone else.
Keep your cool
All is not lost. It is actually a good thing to date different people to figure out which qualities are important to you.
He is still texting you because he wants to keep you on the back burner, in case things don’t work out with his new love interest.
It sounds harsh, but you do want him to find whoever is the best for him.
7. He is afraid
Love and commitment are big scary things. It is natural to get afraid.
In the beginning, he was so focused on convincing you that you should like him. He was working hard to win you over. In this phase, he was the hunter, it’s a natural instinct for men.
He might even have forgotten to reflect on his own feelings.
He is fearful of getting hurt
The reason why he is acting in this mysterious way could even be that he has so strong feelings for you that he needs to push you away.
He discovered that you have the power to hurt him, to devastate him. Right now he is taking some time to find hiw own identity again and to become centered.
He might also decide if he is prepared to take the big risk of being heartbroken.
8. He is testing you
Some people play games. This is not common, but it is still worth mentioning. Some guys have read up on pick-up artist strategies.
He might behave in this way as a technique to make you more interested in him.
We all want what we can’t have.
Did it work? Do you feel keener on him now when he is not giving you so much time and admiration?
How you react when he is distant, but still texts, tells you important things about yourself. Maybe you need to work on your confidence?
Playing a game
You want to watch out for someone who uses manipulative strategies to get your love. It is not exactly a good indicator for the future.
He can also be pulling away as a strategy to get your reassurance.
9. He discovered a deal-breaker
Dating is about getting to know each other.
The only problem is that when we are infatuated with someone, we view them through rose-tinted glasses.
When the infatuation wears off, we start seeing them for who they really are. At this stage, we might discover that their political views don’t align with ours, or that they have
Sometimes we even discover that our date is pretty boring. It happens, it has probably happened to you in the past
You cannot control another person
If he discovered something that was a deal breaker, you need to respect this. He realized that the two of you is not as good of a match as he first thought.
He might still text because he still cares about you.
10. He is introverted
Some people are simply not that good at taking the initiative.
In the beginning, he was infatuated, and he stepped outside of his shell. But now when the two of you have a relationship, he has resorted to his natural way of being.
Which is someone who doesn’t need that much social contact.
11. He wants to keep you as an alternative
This one stings, but it is one of the most common reasons why he is distant but still texts.
Men like to have options. (And so should you.)
When he is acting this way, he might have several different girls he is pursuing.
This doesn’t necessarily mean he is a player, even though it can indicate that.
You are still one of the contenders
But if he is acting distant, let’s be honest, you are probably not the top contender.
Swallow this bitter pill, get out there and continue dating, your man will come.
Time to spring into action
Now that we understand why a guy would act in this puzzling way, we also understand that there are several different ways you can respond.
You should act in a way that feels true to you and your needs and values.
1. Knock him off the pedestal
The first thing you need to do is to stop thinking he is a catch.
He is one pretty ordinary guy and I’m sure he has lots of faults. In the past, you have probably been focused on everything that’s great about him.
Now is the time to remind yourself of all the different ways he is not matching the criteria of your ideal man. When you are dealing with when a guy who is distant, but still texts, it is absolutely crucial that you stop regarding him as the one.
He is simply one of many alternatives. Don’t clutch too hard. You have options, someone much better might come along.
2. Call him out on his behavior
If he was pursuing you big time and then suddenly stopped and withdraw, you can absolutely point out that you feel his behavior is odd.
Tell him that you want to understand him. ‘
Be authentic and tell him that the way he acts hurts your feelings.
It’s not the best way to win him over
If you want to make him yours, this might not be the best strategy.
But it is the strategy of a strong and confident person, thus it might actually work. If he is a strong and confident person he will step up to the challenge. He will realize that with you he will be accountable.
3. Give him the space and time he needs
If you don’t want to come after him guns blazing, this is the strategy you need to apply. When someone communicates that they need space, the polite thing is to simply give them space.
Be enthusiastic and friendly when he does text, and tell him about the cool things you have going on in your life.
But don’t take any initiative.
Stop pursuing him
Instead, focus on making your life the best version it can possibly be.
To better understand why this method is so effective, make sure you read my article When He Pulls Away Do Nothing.
4. Be direct and ask him what’s going on
If he doesn’t like you, better to find out now than in a couple of weeks. Just ask him for a date.
For example, you can write; When do I get to see you again?
If he is answering in an evasive way, you have your answer.
There is nothing wrong with expressing your interest. In fact, it is how a confident person would behave.
5. Assert your boundaries
A guy who suddenly starts acting distant is an opportunity for you to practice setting boundaries. We all have a tendency to be too nice and let people get ways with hurting us.
You can become stronger right now, just think about how you feel and communicate exactly that to him.
For example;
I’m not looking for a causal relationship right now. So if you are not interested in pursuing our relationship I would prefer if you didn’t text.
Nice of you to text, but I’ve already got enough friends.
You are an interesting guy, but we don’t seem to be a match when it comes to what kind of relationship we are looking for.
I just started seeing someone, and it’s going well. Good luck to you too. (You can send this one even if you are not seeing someone.)
Your actions will not determine the outcome
As you are contemplating different ways to act, don’t focus on making him do something. Gently put the focus back on you and what feels good for you.
There is no magical way to act that will unlock him to be the man you want him to be.
6. Walk away
Or biggest agency in a difficult situation is most often to simply walk away.
We don’t have to participate in situations that don’t feel right for us.
You don’t even have to answer his text messages, you do not owe him anything. Just decide if he brings value to your life and act accordingly.
Read this article to find the strength to move on; Should I tell him how I feel or walk away?
A Finale note on how to act when he is distant but still texts
As you now know, his behavior can mean a lot of different things. It can mean that he isn’t interested, It can mean that he is afraid. It can mean that he doesn’t think you are interested.
How you act in these kinds of tricky situations does show you how much you value yourself. Ask yourself what kind of advice you would have given your best friends, take your own advice and act accordingly.
