In a world where men are asked to be macho and forthcoming, one can say that it is a struggle to be an introverted guy. How does a shy guy make it work in a “man’s world” without becoming typecast or getting bullied for not having a girlfriend? How, if at all, can he battle the need to be the masculine Prince Charming, everyone expects him to be, in the space of romance and dating?
Well, what you think might go against the demands of your gender role, might actually work out well in your favor. And by working, I do not just mean life in general, but also with emphasis on your romantic life. It is natural that you, as a shy man, find it hard to flirt, because the dictionary of flirtation has the language of extroversion. Or so we’ve been told. But here’s the important thing. You don’t need to change yourself to be able to flirt with a woman.
While you may not be able to pick-up women at a bar the same way Andrew does by simply breezing through bars and making sharp witticisms, there is a lot else that you can do because there is definitely something very likable about you. Don’t think of your shyness as a weakness. The power of subtlety can be measured only in the battlefield, as the less celebrated silence can actually take over silly banter.
How To Flirt When You’re Shy? 8 Tips
Confused and still don’t believe us? Well, you’ve come to the right place, that’s for sure. With these flirting tips for shy guys, you can use your reality of being yourself as a good thing and still be able to attract women. Dating as an introvert does not have to be such a complicated thing.
So everything that they’ve ever told you about how only guys who make the first move always make it in the dating world — is to be thrown out of the window. This is only about shy guys flirting and how they can be awesome at it!
1. Do not mimic anyone else
This is one of the most important and the foremost flirting tips for shy guys. No need to try and become what you are not. It’s highly unattractive to women. Don’t try to ape your extroverted friends who seem to be sweeping men and women off their feet with their impressive verbal calisthenics, because you will only be half as good at it.
Is being shy a turn off in a man? No, it’s not. But nothing is worse than a flirt who is trying to follow a path halfway. In all probability, you will probably memorize another line that a ‘ten ways to flirt’ article will dish out for you and forget half of it by the time you approach the person, thus causing a major faux pas that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. If you want to avoid that embarrassment, then forget all that advice about conversation starters and such.
This is not an exam where you will be granted half points for how you perform. So in all these cases, for an instinctively introverted or shy person, it is important to not try and pose as the extroverted flirt. You must accept that you are not capable of all that skill and that’s okay! Recognize your own power as an introvert and stay honest to your character. She’ll like that so much more.
2. A shy guy flirting should keep it as real as he can
It’s essential that you try to be honest about your personality with a woman you are trying to hit on. Approach your interest without the cumbersome techniques of pick-up lines. Just keep it a simple opening confessing your interest in him or her. Let the object of your interest know the essence of your personality because that matters more, but do remember to keep the gates of good communication open for this one time.
Yes, to play this game right, being interesting will work out in your favor. But who says you need a memorized pick-up line to keep your date interested? Why not just trust your gut to start a conversation? If you’re really shy, then consider opening with something like, “I’m usually too shy about these things but you’re too cute to pass up. Care to have a drink with me?” Your interest will understand you and might just find it extremely adorable that you are shy and yet so honest about it!
3. How to flirt when you’re shy? Maintain good eye contact
Yes, you are probably dreading this one already as you read this — but introvert or extrovert, eye contact is a beautiful and ancillary part of flirting with someone. This is a tip applicable to anyone flirting, written in bold for you, my dear shy men. Why?
Keeping steady eye contact is going to send out the signals loud and clear that you are attracted to this person. If your interest is perceptible in the least, he or she will know the importance of a shy person willing to keep the communication windows open to the point that he voluntarily keeps steady eye contact. And let me tell you, my men, shy or not, your words do not do as much magic as the confidence and honesty of firm eye contact.
4. Humor is an essential puzzle piece
How to flirt when you’re shy is not just about impressing a woman, it’s about truly showing her a good time. Just try to keep the laughs coming and half your job will be done. Nothing competes better than a sense of humor she will love! But do make sure that you keep it simple and not push the envelope to the point of you trying your best to be a stand-up comedian (unless you are, and still shy in the matter of hearts; even then pay heed to my words) and keep the humor as light and relevant as you can.
These subtle flirting tips are going to take you a long way. There is no point in cracking a knock-knock joke in the middle of a quiet café where you had started discussing the Noam Chomsky book you were reading and in the pursuit of flirtation you feel the need to be arbitrarily funny.
Don’t overthink it and just keep your natural funny bone alive. Just because you’re introverted doesn’t mean that you don’t have a sense of humor. If you are not a person who would normally find spots of joy in the mundane, the best you can do is try nevertheless. Nothing pleases a person more than to laugh, or at least smile from ear to ear. (Disclaimer: It is okay to keep it silly).
5. Be earnest in your compliments
You probably already know this but when a man approaches a woman, his first instinct is to compliment the woman and flatter her. “You look great in that dress” or “You’re the prettiest woman here” are some of the commonly rotated ones. While the art of complimenting is it’s own thing, you should indeed try to keep your compliment genuine and real in your attempts.
Your compliments shouldn’t seem like you’re only saying them for the sake of impressing her, she probably gets that enough. Appreciate something that you genuinely like about her! Something like, “I saw what you did on the dance floor there. You’re a great dancer!”
On the flip side, you should also definitely know how to respond to a compliment as well so you don’t come off as too awkward. Yes, this is noteworthy flirting advice for guys too. Sometimes, a lot of men don’t see the compliments coming and blurt out a silly “Hahah yes, yes thanks.”
6. Talk about things that you actually know about
Sports, movies, whatever it is — there is no exact guide to topics to talk about when making a move on somebody. Yes, we don’t advise that you go in there and start talking about climate change right off the bat, but it’s better to not show-off knowledge that you just don’t have.
Just because you saw her glancing at the TV and think she’s into sports, doesn’t mean that it’s time to start listing all the sports facts you’ve overheard your friends talking about before. If you’re a shy guy, flirting doesn’t mean that you can’t come up with things to talk about. Yes, it could be daunting at first, but as you keep the conversation going, you might start feeling more comfortable and have a nice chat.
7. Flirting advice for guys — treat them like a person, not a prize
Your dating anxiety jitters are bound to show up if you keep thinking of the person you like as some kind of prize or achievement. Stop putting them on a pedestal. Yes, she’s cuter than any girl you’ve seen before and she’s making you weak in the knees, but that does not mean that you should completely lose your cool.
Stop walking on eggshells around her or be afraid of disappointing her. If she disagrees with you, don’t change your own opinion to agree with her. It doesn’t make a major difference if you two think differently about some things. She’s only a person (no matter how beautiful) so treat her that way.
8. Don’t freak out when she flirts back with you
The last of flirting tips for guys, don’t forget about this one when you’re making your move: Yes, your responses to her flirting back with you are just as important as how to start a conversation with her. Don’t make a dumbfounded expression if she calls you hot or asks you to order another round of drinks. You’re not the only one playing this game. And definitely don’t gasp if she touches your arm! She will notice it and pull away.
You’re shy, but that doesn’t make you unattractive. So if she’s enjoying your company and likes you back, don’t sweat it! Revel in it and enjoy the attention.
With that, this list of ‘Flirting tips for shy guys’, comes to an end. See? It wasn’t that hard, right? We promise you, it won’t feel hard even when you step into the dating arena and try these out. Trust yourself and if it doesn’t work out, it’s alright. Keep practicing but don’t lose hope. And most importantly, don’t forget to enjoy yourself!
