He was late for the date by an hour. I heard an inner voice squeak (“It isn’t exactly a date, it’s just a dinner to which he agreed to accompany you.”)
Alright, but how rude to keep a lady waiting!
(Inner voice: “Big deal, maybe he is stuck at work. Why should he drop everything to be by your side?”)
Even as my inner and outer voice continued their banter, he arrived, looking rather dapper. I decided to stop sulking, and put on my sweet self along with a coat of fresh lipstick.
Dinner was good and conversation flowed easily. Soon it was time to leave. “How will you go home?” he asked. “Taxi,” I replied. “Great, I will walk you to one,” he smiled.
Drat! End of story. No generous offer to drop me home and later, no ‘have you reached safely’ WhatsApp, either. Even if he wasn’t interested, at least he could have been large-hearted enough to drop me, I voiced aloud to no one, nursing a slightly hurt ego.
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(Inner voice: Come on, he stays close to the restaurant. How silly to expect him to go out of his way! And stop being old-fashioned, you don’t need a man to chaperone you, you can find your way. Why should he trouble himself?”)
Valid point. Why should he indeed? And why expect, in this day and age of equality, only the man to implement moth-eaten rules of the dating guidebook chapter: ‘How to treat a lady’?
As one of my former crushes once said, “I wanted to take you out more often, but you never indicated you were interested or needed anything from me.” (Interested? Needed? I was playing hard-to-get but he obviously didn’t get it!)
So what is chivalry in these complex times then? I guess it’s just when men do beautiful things naturally and not overtly. For instance, when he flirts without being boorish, when he watches over her without even putting the proverbial protective arm around her, when he checks up on her if she’s unwell, and when he, without reason, surprises her. It certainly doesn’t mean women should take men for granted or look the other way when it comes to paying bills (always a problematic situation) or depend on him constantly for things she can easily do. Chivalry happens when something that you DON’T need is done for you. You are certainly not any less without it but a little richer with it.
So take it from me, gentlemen, sometimes being old-fashioned is lovely. The test of whether you are Shakti Kapoor in Rishi Kapoor’s clothing can wait for the next date or until the relationship is cemented. Until then, opening the car door is just very charming.
