You think you’ve been together long enough for her to know that you like to do things with her, like watching movies. But your idea of a good movie is not hers, so most times you watch your movies alone.
Or you feel unloved because he never appreciates your work but when you talk to him you find out that he thinks the morning cuddle said it all!
Communication is missing in relationships lately
I know we all can give dozens of big and small examples where we feel something’s amiss in our relationship. Most of the time it all boils down to one simple word – Communication.
Sounds familiar?
I know of one couple who decided to spend a day every month doing what one of them wanted.
Just one day a month, every alternate month. It changed their whole perception of what the other wanted and they were ready to give.
So how do you make sure that your love gesture is understood and reciprocated, anyway?
Related reading: 5 reasons why Indian men find it difficult to communicate!
1. He says potatoh you say patatoe!
Yes, it’s true we all speak different languages of love.
Some people think a walk in the park is love and some believe a bunch of roses is love. And there’s more…
According to The Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman, there are actually five love languages. They are:
- Words of affirmation – complimenting or praising your partner, verbal PDA
- Quality time – time spent in the together zone
- Receiving gifts – surprising each other with gifts or tokens of love
- Acts of service – helping without being asked
- Physical touch – hand holding and snuggling more
Once you realise that your idea of sharing love is completely different from the way your partner expresses love, you win half the battle.
And the more you talk and listen the more common points you can rediscover – even after 10 years. Only then can you move on to the next step.
3. Positivate not just communicate
So how do you start telling them that you can’t hear what they say?
Say it positively – start by appreciating their way. Sounds sneaky?
It’s just plain common sense…
Because you see, you can’t start a conversation with a ‘No’. So, smile at the effort and thought they have put in for you and respond positively.
“We are open with each other and tell each other everything,” you counter.
That’s great. But it doesn’t mean shutting the door on the other’s face.
A relationship is like a long conversation with the boring bits, I-love-you bits, I-don’t care bits and the let’s-work-it-out bits all thrown in, in a heady mishmash of emotions, opinions, thoughts and general banter.
It all stays together when it’s surrounded by the stickiness of love.
To do that, you need to sugar coat some things, sometimes, so that the conversation continues without any one feeling judged or hurt.
Remember: Communicating love is a two-way street. Start by appreciating their way, communicate your ideas and enjoy the differences. After all, the differences are what brought you together in the first place.
