Our step-by-step guide will help you decide which one to go for
Well, first of all, congratulation. If you have two guys to choose between, that means you have been doing something right.
I was faced with this choice once, and the choice I made sent my life in a completely different direction. At the end of this article, I will tell you which choice I made, why I made it and how things turned out.
But first, let’s look at you and your choice. Let’s figure out which of those two guys is the right one for you?
Step 1, Consider his intention
First of all, you have to figure out what kind of decision you are making? Are both of these guys looking for a relationship?
Ask both of them about their goals and wishes for the next couple of years, don’t be too serious about the whole thing. Just try to figure out a bit more about what makes them excited moving forward.
Get a sense of what he is looking for
The basic line is; are they looking for a relationship? And if yes, what kind of relationship are they looking for? The perfect relationship looks different to different people, so go ahead and ask them about their ideal situation and relationship.
Dig deep
If you feel like you don’t know these guys well enough to make a good decision, read our article How to get someone to open up emotionally, to know which questions to ask and what to do to get a better sense of both of the guys.
Step 2, Ask yourself what you want
Now, when you know a bit more about what they want, it’s time to put the spotlight on you. Ask yourself what you want?
What is important to you in a relationship? Why do you even want a relationship? What are you hoping to find on the other end of your choice?
When you decide how to choose between two guys, those questions are going to be crucial because this choice is about you.
What is important to you right now?
Also, ask yourself how important those wants are to you right now?
You might want a lot of things down the road, but try to set a time frame for those wants.
Who are you?
When you wonder how to choose between two guys, you should choose the one who can offer you what you want. Regardless if that’s a committed relationship, traveling the world, or stimulating intellectual conversations?
What is important for you right now?
Step 3, Do you have a track record of choosing the wrong guy?
Most people don’t end up in your situation, choosing between two guys.
That you are in this very specific situation tells me that you are not clear about yourself. There is some form of imbalance in you that has put you in this situation.
Do you trust your gut?
One example of this can be that you have chosen the wrong guy in the past, and thus you don’t trust your gut instinct. And you know what, maybe you shouldn’t trust yourself?
Examine your previous decision
When you made a bad decision in the past, you might have listened to your passion and ended up in a place where you didn’t want to be. Examine your previous choices and why you made them. Maybe the answer to your question is buried in the past?
Get to know yourself
When you are forced to choose between two guys, take it as an excellent opportunity to develop yourself and reach a higher level of emotional maturity. Continuing to read this article and I will help you with exactly that.
Consider my next point; maybe this one is for you?
Step 4, Maybe you have a problem choosing because none of them are right?
Two guys are interested in you. That is very flattering, and the situation must be a great boost for your ego. But don’t lose your cool, you don’t need to choose any of them.
A relationship is not a goal in itself. Only the right relationship is worthy of your time.
When you ask yourself how to choose between two guys, there is a big chance that you are not interested enough in either of them, and that’s the real reason why you have a hard time choosing.
Do you desperately want a relationship?
Sometimes we get so tangled up in our desire for a relationship that we pick anyone who wants a relationship with us just to fulfill this need. To not fall into this trap, read our article How to enjoy being single.
Not having a relationship can be a very fruitful period of your life, career-wise, friendship-wise, and when it comes to spiritual growth.
Step 5, Introduce both of them to your friends
When feelings are involved, we don’t always see clearly. Your sexual desire and other things deep inside you are being stirred and can move you in the wrong direction.
Your friends, on the other hand, see clearly.
They will get a good idea of what the guy is about.
Ask your friend for her view of the situation
Have a casual meet-up and afterward ask them for their opinion. If you can have one friend meet both guys, that is great. Your friend will spot things that you might not see.
Or maybe some of your friends already know both guys? If that’s the case, you have an excellent opinion to get an outside view of the situation.
Step 6, Ask yourself which of the guys you would rather have as a friend?
Meeting someone for a relationship is a process where you involve sexual attraction. Desire and lust play a significant role when we choose a partner. But sometimes, our attraction is our downfall, and our desire makes us pick the wrong person.
Take the sex out of the equation
So, when you find yourself in doubt, the best thing you can do is to take the sex out of the equation.
Choose between the two guys as you would make a choice regarding a new friend.
Pretend that you are not attracted to those guys at all. Who would you rather hang out with? Who would you still want in your life 20 years from now?
Who is more suitable for you?
This question is two-folded; Who would make the better friend to you and your specific need and interest? And who would make a better friend, generally speaking, in your option?
Step 7, Break the decision down into smaller parts
Write down the areas of life and relationship that is important to you. Examples of this can be physical attraction, financial stability, stimulating conversation, humor, and compatible values.
Do one column per guy and give them a score in all of the chosen areas. This might not give you the final decision, but you will learn a lot.
Which areas of a love affair are most important to you?
First of all, you will have to think about what’s important for you to know which areas to score them in. Then you will have to be honest with yourself when you decide what score they do get.
When I had to choose between two guys, this exercise helped me see clearly what was going on. It also helped me decide which one to choose.
Check out our article How do you know if you are dating the right person? to find out a lot more about white flags when it comes to the beginning of a relationship.
Step 8, How do you feel around them?
Sometimes the right person for us has nothing to do with looks or compatibility, or lust.
Instead, the most important question is; how does this person make you feel about yourself and about life in general?
Do you feel joyful, energetic, and self-confident after spending time with this person?
How does conflict feel with this person?
How does the silence feel? How does it feel when you disagree about something? How well does he listen to your points and feelings? What do you feel when he is upset and cranky?
The answers to all of those questions are good indicators of your true feelings and also good indicators about his true feelings, not to mention his true character.
A Final Note
When I made my decision, I broke out the notepad.
I made a list where the guys scored in different areas (the score was 1-10, and the areas were emotional connection, friendship connection, sexual connection, life stability, and his feelings). Feel free to steal my method.
One of them was my favorite
When I analyzed the score, it was easy to tell that I fancied one of the guys much more than the other, but I was unsure if he felt the same way.
I was also hesitant about what the relationship would look like with the guy I did like; his life was a bit of a mess. He didn’t seem to have control over even the most basic part of his life.
I followed my heart
Taking this into consideration, I still felt that I should follow my heart and take a gamble.
I told the other guy that I wouldn’t be seeing him again, and I told my choice that I was looking for something serious.
We had a passionate relationship lasting for more than four years, with lots of ups and downs and a fair dose of craziness.
The other guy would most likely have made a better boyfriend, but since I wasn’t as deeply attracted to him, I don’t think the relationship would have lasted very long.
Today I would have chosen stability
Still, if the same choices were available today, I would pick the safe, reliable guy that had his life under control. (He had a job!)
This choice reflects who I am today and what I want out of a relationship today.
With this little story, I want to tell you that there is no right choice when you choose between two guys. Whoever you end up choosing will be the right choice for you at this moment in your life.
