A 7-step roadmap to full recovery
When you get rejected by your crush, it stings. Part of the pain is that you didn’t get the chance to show all the things that are great about you. You might feel your confidence decrease. Or the crush is also a friend and you have to decide what to do with the friendship. Regardless of your exact situation, I will give you all the top strategies when it comes to How to deal with rejection from your crush.
Rejection is an opportunity
Rejection sucks, but it is also the chance to see yourself a bit more clearly. You can develop a lot as a person if you deal with rejection the right way.
When you get rejected you will feel all your biggest pain points. Because of this increased self-awareness, rejection is an opportunity to heal yourself.
1. Take it day by day
The first day is always the worst. The second day can still be pretty bad. When your feelings are raw, be kind to yourself. It’s essential to not do any negative self-talk. Banish your inner critic. That’s the first step when you deal with a rejection from a crush.
Instead, say nice uplifting things to yourself and look after yourself the way you would look after a dear friend.
Do only the basic things that need to be done. Be aware that the pain will decrease. You will slowly regain your strength, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.
Time is your friend
Every hour is an hour that makes the rejection a bit easier to handle.
After the first week, you will feel a little bit better. The sorrow can still come back. From this point, the pain will come in waves. Sometimes those waves will hit you in full force and other times you will feel ok.
This up-and-down process is normal for any kind of grief.
You will have epiphanies along the way, you will have songs that help you, and lyrics that speak to you.
Embrace both the good and the bad. Time will happen no matter what you do. Eventually, time will heal you.
All you have to do is put one step in front of the other, metaphorically speaking.
2. Self-reflection
You might think that every person getting rejected by their crush feels the same way. But if you reflect a bit more, I’m sure you will realize that your feelings of hurt are particular to you and how you view yourself.
Do you feel too stupid for your crush? Not beautiful enough? Not young enough? Like you are going to be alone forever? Do you feel like you are always stuck on the outside looking in?
The pain is about you
Your pain will be unique to your previous experiences and also reflect the things you lack in life. (Or perceive to lack, since your negative thoughts often don’t reflect reality.)
Because of this rejection can help you become a stronger person.
We feel the biggest amount of pain connected to the stories we tell ourselves. Write down what you make the rejection mean. Why does the rejection hurt so much? That’s the second step when you deal with a rejection from a crush.
Now when you have the stories down on paper, it’s time to question those stories. For more guidelines about this strategy, check out this lady.
Change the way you feel
For now, it is important to know that you don’t have to feel this way. The thing you tell yourself about yourself is most likely not true.
A friend would tell you that you are charming enough, smart enough and beautiful enough to be loved and cherished. Your friend would be right. I’m sure you realize that logically even though emotionally you don’t always feel it.
3. Allow yourself to grief
So often when we get stuck on a person it is because we didn’t properly grieve the loss.
We might dismiss our feeling. For example, I didn’t know him that well. Or; he was not the right person for me.
Be proud of yourself
But to properly process your feelings you have to take the time to grieve. Your feelings were real. Your love was real. The love story of the two of you could have been life-changing. Acknowledge the strength of your feelings. Honor your capability to love. To be able to fall in love is a beautiful thing. The desire for another human is a positive feeling, even when your feelings are not reciprocated.
sadness is your friend
Be sad. Listen to sad music. Cry. Go for long melancholic walks. Watch a couple of your favorite movies. Talk to a friend about the hopes and dreams you had about this person.
4. Understanding your crush
At this step in your process of how to deal with rejection from your crush, it’s time to put the spotlight back on your crush.
Take a couple of hours and reflect on your crush. Their rejection probably has more to do with them than with you. Most of the time we don’t choose who we are attracted to. Our subconscious and its mysterious corridors make the choice for us.
Your crush didn’t reject you
They didn’t reject you. Their subconscious did.
The rejection might feel incredibly personal. Trust me, it is not.
Whatever you tell yourself, it’s most likely not true.
Some people are afraid of love
Your crush might not be ready for the kind of deep and real love that would be possible with you.
Your crush will have patterns that are unique to them. Remember that what you see on the surface when you look at another human is not always the truth.
You don’t know what’s going on with your crush. In fact, you might never have the answers. If you want to gain a deeper understanding read my article Signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
Your crush might have encouraged you
I personally had this experience many times, and I feel it’s symptomatic most of the time when we get rejected by our crush.
The person in question had in fact encouraged us. You might have not even liked your crush, to begin with, but since he always gave you the attention you started to develop feelings.
Share the blame
So, to properly move on from a crush it’s important to acknowledge that you were not alone. In one way or another, this person chose to lead you on. Take a moment and reflect on exactly what lured you to this person. Be a bit angry. Tell a friend. Then swiftly move on to the next step.
5. Accept the rejection
Your crush might have sent you mixed signals, even so, you have to accept their rejection.
Another common reason why we get hung up on someone is that we have a hard time accepting that the feelings are not mutual.
I get it, it is remarkably difficult to accept that the person you are in love with doesn’t share those feelings. It simply doesn’t make sense.
The two of you could have been great together
I’m also sure that your crush has, in some ways, some kind of feelings for you. The two of you properly have great chemistry and lots of things in common.
Moving on from all that sweetness is not easy, but it has to be done.
The faster you can accept their rejection, the faster you can move on to someone who is going to love you. This is one of the single most important parts of How you deal with a rejection from a crush.
The feelings can still be mutual
I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but sometimes your crush just freaks out. They are not ready for love and all the risk that comes with love. They are afraid. Quickly they push you away by telling you that they don’t feel the same way.
Even if you suspect that your crush is not 100 percent truthful, you still have to accept their decision.
You have to trust that they had good reasons for rejecting you.
6. Try something new
To manage to move on from someone it’s important that you develop yourself. This can be done on a very practical level by taking on a new challenge.
This step can be whatever your heart desire.
Maybe a meditation course? Or a trip to somewhere you always wanted to visit? Maybe you want to learn a new skill?
When you force yourself to develop you realize on a practical gritty level that life goes on. You might not always like it. But the greater number of new things you add to your life, the more your crush will fade into the background. I recommend my article How to enjoy being single, for more ways to expand your horizon.
Find new friends
The same principle applies to making new friends. You don’t have to start dating after a heartbreak.
But after a soul-crushing rejection, it’s crucial that you get out and meet people. The reason behind this is part of you hoped for a deep meaningful connection with your crush. You didn’t get that. But you still need connection and the best way to get that connection, when you are heartbroken, is through friends. Here is our guide on How to make new friends in your 30s.
Reach out to old friends
Also, reach out to a couple of old friends and do the things that really make you feel connected to them. The more meaningful connections you can give yourself, the easier it will be to move on after rejection from a crush.
7. Have a clear course
Clarity about yourself and about how you want to act is one of the best ways to move your life forwards. This way you can also find meaning in the rejection. Rejection can be the very thing that takes your life and push it in a new exciting direction.
Who do you want to be?
There are questions only you can answer. But now is the time to reflect on your life. Which part are you happy with and which parts would you want to improve?
Out of heartbreak, you can harvest a lot of restless energy. To get over someone it’s important that you channel that energy in the right direction. (Not drinking and drugs.)
What you need to do is to build a better life for yourself.
Do the soul-searching necessary and find your unique path through life.
The best way to find out what you want is to journal.
How to handle your crush?
This new sense of direction that you need should also include how you want to interact with your crush, moving forward.
For example; what sort of relationship would you like to have with your crush post-rejection?
Many people choose to take a couple of months away from their crush, to find their footing. But there is no right answer.
If your crush is a friend; how are you supposed to act when it comes to your friendship?
Take your time to answer those important questions. It helps to journal to be able to see what you truly want.
Put pen to paper
Write a letter to your crush and tell them the things you didn’t say. Tell your crush how you want the relationship to develop.
The more you know about what you want to achieve, the easier it will be to handle reality.
A Final Note
Rejection is such an intensive unique pain. It’s all the love songs, all the longing and all the lost opportunities, wrapped into one amazing person. And this person will never be your person.
It takes time to get over a rejection. Give yourself the time necessary to heal. Follow my 7-step process at your own phase.
You will arrive at the golden land of falling in love again, at exactly the right time.
