Jealousy in relationships is never a pleasant experience. Neither for the partner who seethes with this emotion nor for the one who is at the receiving end of it.
For those who wonder, “Why am I jealous in a relationship?” the explanation is in the words of famous author William Penn, “The jealous are troublesome to others but a torment to themselves.”
Yes, it is also one of the most common human emotions that each of us experience now and then. However, when one person operates from a place of obsessive jealousy, the equation between partners can become overwhelmingly toxic.
Is jealousy a sign of love? Many justify jealousy as a sign of love but there is a think line between jealosy for love and toxic jealousy and possessiveness. Read on to find out what you can to process and handle this emotion before it takes a toll on your relationship.
10 Signs Of Jealousy In A Relationship
Jealousy in a relationship is a way of exercising control. When a person fears losing a partner or feels insecure in their relationship, jealousy begins to take hold. It’s the mind’s desperate move to hold on to something that it fears might slip away.
3. They’re not ‘allowed’ to have a social life
If the prospect of your partner spending an evening away from you and with their friends makes you angry and unsettled, you’re excessively jealous in your relationship. You may try to forbid them from having a social life of their own or try to disarm them with the ‘me or them’ tantrum.
If nothing works out, you decide to tag along because you can’t bear the thought of them out in the world without you. The fact that you think you can ‘allow’ or ‘forbid’ your partner from doing something, signals to a need for control in the relationship.
This is one of the most unhealthy signs of jealousy in the relationship. One that is bound to lead to a host of problems between you two.
4. Your partner can’t talk to someone from the opposite sex
You know it well. If you see your partner talking to someone from the gender they prefer, all hell would break loose. Forget talking, even if they look at someone long enough for you to notice or talk about a friend or colleague with you, you can feel a gut-wrenching sense of jealousy build up inside.
You ensure in every way they are not around the opposite sex, unless absolutely necessary. You feel helpless because you can’t control the sex ratio in the workplace. These are not signs of love, these are controlling signs in a relationship.
6. Accusations of cheating are signs of jealousy in a relationship
Being jealous in a relationship has gripped your mind space to such an extent that a part of you is convinced that your partner is cheating on you. You see them chatting with an attractive person, you think they’re sleeping together.
They give a passerby a second glance, you accuse them of wanting to get into their pants. They have a close work relationship with a colleague, you’re convinced they’re banging secretly.
Even though you have no basis to support these theories, you don’t think twice before hurling accusations at your partner.
7. You flirt to make your partner jealous
You feel jealous of anyone and everyone in your partner’s life. You’re convinced that you’re being cheated on. Most of all, you want their attention. To this end, you start flirting with others, especially when your partner is around.
This not only gives your sense of self-worth a boost but also riles up your partner. In some twisted way, you’re giving them the taste of your medicine. Making them feel the way you feel when gripped with feelings of obsessive jealousy in relationships.
8. Jealousy in relationships extends to their family too
Jealousy in relationships isn’t just triggered by friends, co-workers or outsiders. As a jealous partner, you may even start despising your significant other’s family. If your partner is close with their mother, you’d naturally start acting territorial with her.
If they have a family tradition to spend Thanksgiving together, you may try every trick in the book to get your partner to ditch this annual ritual and be with you instead. Even if, you’re invited too.
7 Effective Ways To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship
Now that you know that signs of jealousy in a relationship, and if you identify with most of them, you must learn how to deal with jealousy in a relationship. Otherwise, these toxic tendencies may take a toll on the bond you share with your partner, further fueling your insecurities, fear and denting your self-esteem.
Here are 7 effective ways to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
1. Understand the reasons for jealousy in relationships
Insecurity, fear and low self-esteem have been identified as the main reasons for jealousy in relationships. Often, these vulnerabilities are a result of your past experiences. Perhaps, you have been cheated on in the past, which can lead to trust issues. These trust issues may have become the core reason for your jealousy.
4. Share your jealousy with your partner
Once you understand the jealousy in relationships psychology, dealing with it becomes easier. Now that you’re aware of what triggers these negative emotions in you, disarm them by letting your partner in on your vulnerabilities.
The next time you feel jealous about something your partner has said or done, share your feeling with them. But without accusations or picking up a fight. If talking about these directly is too difficult for you, you can try using humor to take the edge off a sensitive topic.
This can be especially helpful if you and your partner have had several fights about the same thing in the past. Alternatively, you can also try the diplomatic approach in conveying your feelings. For instance, if you feel jealous of a particular person in their life.
7. Work on self-growth
To weed it out, you must focus on overcoming these shortcomings with self-growth. For instance, if you suffer from low self-esteem, work on building your confidence. You can sign up for workshops, learn new skills or work with a counsellor to make the right changes in your perception of yourself.
Similarly, if the fear of being felt alone makes you jealous, go out more, cultivate a hobby, connect with new people, make friends. Having a social life of your own will make you see why your partner needs theirs too.
A lot of people confuse jealousy as a manifestation of love and continue to let this toxic tendency plague their relationships.
So, is jealousy a sign of love? We’ll answer that question in the words of Saint Augustine, “He that is jealous is not in love.” Jealousy and love cannot co-exist. If you value your relationship with your partner, you have to learn to rein in and overcome your jealous tendencies.
